I should have started this blog fourteen years ago when I became a single parent. Maybe even twenty years ago when I had decided that moving out of my parents house at 16 and in with my long haired, tattooed boyfriend whom loved me so so much was a good idea. But I didn't. Here I am 20 years later with 14 years under my belt as a single mother of two children and finally letting the world know what I have to say.
I called this blog MumsMayhem because that is my life in a complete nutshell. Mayhem! In so many ways I love it and it so many others I hate it.
I want to say it exactly like it is. I am tired of situations being sugar coated and society covering up the reality of people's situations.
I want to say that I cannot be alone in how I feel. I am sure of it. I wake up every morning thankful to be alive yet scared of what the day will bring. My head never shuts off and I am so so very tired. Ive been raising my children for 14 years alone and I cannot even say that tired is the word for it.
I am sitting in Spain right now on an exchange with my school. I need this exchange in order to pursue my degree in International Business and I am absolutely loving my trip. Yet I had to leave my children to do it. I wake up every morning missing them more than I would miss breathing. Yet I have to do it in order to get myself and my kids out of what is considered poverty.
I can remember when the kids were little how other parents used to say how amazing their kids Christmas plays were and how their kids lit up when they saw their mom and dads faces of pride during parent teacher interviews with how well they were doing in school. I have never been to a Christmas concert because the jobs that I have had to work just to put food on the table never supported time off to do those things. All of those things where I live are scheduled during the day and that is when I work in order to be able to use my children going to school as free daycare. Without that it is an option of daycare paid or eating. Parent teacher interviews were sporadic to say the least because they are also during the day or on a night when I get thrown into that odd night shift that God forbid you don't turn down.
You barely know the names of your kids friends and most definitely have not met their parents. Your babysitters and parents know more about your children's comings and goings than you do because if you are not working, you are sleeping.
I wish I knew what it was like to be a normal mom. A mom that I was raised with that could stay at home and cook homecooked meals while helping to make halloween costumes and putting band aids on my cuts and bruises.
I live in Mayhem. I have two kids that have been sick most of their lives so every minute of time off working has been spent in doctors and hospitals. I don't know my schedule from one week to the next because I work in the ever growing minimum wage service sector and that is just the way it is. Sometimes I get to be a good mom and other times I know I suck at it.
I am constantly labelled that so called 'welfare bum' or stereotypical 'gold digger' female simply because I cannot pay everything that I need to with the money I am capable of making. I have suffered nervous breakdowns, depressions, emotional episodes and more simply because I am not living a life that is conducive to healthy organized living. I cannot afford to.
Child support is non existent because once an individual is on ODSP (Ontario Disability) in Canada, they are exempt from having to pay or pay arrears. So my ex husband got to take off with absolutely no reprocussions.
I am not complaining as this is the bed to which has been made for me. I am setting out the guidelines for Mayhem! and Chaos! and in that mess I am trying to be a good mother who creates a happy and healthy environment for her children.
Am I alone?????
